I often get asked this question. And I often stumble with my words, trying to explain my conviction, rather unconvincingly. So here I am, setting the record straight the best way I know how—by writing or at least, trying.
Why do I believe in Christ?
Because I can’t not believe in Him. I can’t live with myself, knowing how weak and filthy and unloveable I am. I see how only God can love me, and He does. He does more than anybody else. He loves me more than I love myself.
He loves me so much that He himself came down and walked among His people. Jesus, a perfect, blameless, helpless babe — born fully human and fully divine — the great I Am, a conflict in entity, a paradox yet so real and true in time. He came, roughly 2,000 years ago, to die for my filthy sins — the pride, the anger, the selfishness, the unkind words spoken, the offence I’ve caused, the crude jokes that come out of my mouth every so often, the delayed forgiveness, the bitterness. He died so I don’t have to. So that I can be loved and accepted, fully. Without strings attached. Even though I am not worthy, He made me worthy.
It’s humbling to know. And maybe to someone who doesn’t believe in Christ, it’s almost self-reassuring to have this "Thing" to cling on to, but self-reassurance isn’t enough. Because I still am pretty sure of how bad a person I am. The only reason why I see how bad I am and how I am in need of something greater than my own self, is that I am not that good at self-reassuring or self-confident. Instead, I'm pretty sure I need to be God-assured and confident in Him — that He gives (and takes away), He shows righteousness and love through what He did, is doing and continues to do. He is my everything. Because I am nothing without Christ.
I'm still learning to not moan about my inadequacies though. In fact, I want to try to celebrate them, because they remind me of my total dependency on God. And boy, does Jason Wade of Lifehouse capture this struggle so very well in one of my favourite songs ever. This is Trying:
Could you let down your hair Be transparent for awhile, just a little while To see if you're human after all Honesty is a hard attribute to find When we all want to seem like We've got it all figured out Well let me be the first to say that I don't have a clue I don't have all the answers Ain't gonna to pretend like I do Just trying To find my way Trying To find my way the best I know how Well I haven't memorized all of the cute things to say But I'm working on it Maybe I'll master this art form someday If I quote all the lines off the top of my head Would you believe That I fully understand all these things I've read I'm just trying To find my way Trying To find my way Trying To find my way the best that I know how Well I haven't got it all figured out quite yet but Even if it takes my whole life to get to where I need to be And if I should fall to the bottom of the end I'll be one step back to You, and I'm trying to find my way Trying to find my way I'm trying to find my way Trying to find my way...
SEE ALSO: Why You’re Christian
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